


Never say never

by ChocoNut



Series: Tales of love (Season 3/4) [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Confessions, Diverges in 4x4, F/M, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, Oathkeeper scene with a difference, Open ended but optimistic, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 07:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoNut/pseuds/ChocoNut
Summary: Jaime realizes he has more than his sword to give her when he decides to bid her goodbye.





	Never say never

**Author's Note:**

> Another of the possible scenarios where they could've confessed.

_ I’ll find her, for Lady Catelyn, _ her words kept ringing in his head, _ and for you. _

She fluttered her lashes about a dozen times, the shyness in her demeanour leaving him tongue-tied, and he drifted away for a moment, lost in himself and his admiration for her. It was the first time he’d seen her blush, and if he had to be honest with himself, nothing had ever appealed to him as much as the faint blotches of pink on her cheeks and the coy look in her eyes. Not even Cersei’s flawless beauty and womanly charm. 

Unbidden, his mind strayed for a moment to images of the wench in the bathtub. While her nakedness had, no doubt, left him embarrassingly aroused, it was the childlike innocence on her face that had called out to him, capturing his heart and enslaving his mind. _Innocence and her pretty eyes_, he sighed to himself, the image of her flustered, yet pleased reaction to his gifts, now etched deep in his mind, his to recall whenever he pleased, whenever he missed her, transporting him to a world miles away from this, a world where they could be together. Away from the cares that awaited him, and far from the chaos he had to stay put in, he wished he could reside in this imaginary realm forever.

Alas, the life he had chosen to lead had no place for her by his side, he realized with a pang, and now had come the hour to bid her goodbye.

_ I’m going to miss her. _

Another bolt of lightning, another unexpected bout of emotions struck him, leaving him wondering for a moment if he really ought to let her out of his sight. Alarmed at how much just the anticipation of her absence in his life bothered him, he forced himself to brush his feelings aside, shaking himself back to reality and his inevitable fate. 

“I almost forgot,” he said, when he’d regained use of his tongue, “I have one more gift for you.”

She shook her head in protest. “You’ve already done so much--”

“I’ve done nothing,” he quickly cut in, “this is just a token of my--” Startled by his sudden incapability to frame appropriate words, he struggled to finish what he’d begun to say.

_ Respect for you? Or is it regard? _

_ Friendship, it is, _he convinced himself, looking for satisfaction in his explanation, but the effect it bore on him was far from a feeling of peaceful reconciliation, for the weight on his chest continued to grow, the ache steadily mounting, pleading with him to do something about it.

“I can’t accept anything else from you,” she continued to decline his offer.

_ Definitely something more, _ prodded his heart, paying no attention to the words she spoke, _ affection, perhaps, or maybe love-- _

“I wish I could come with you,” he blurted out the first thing that came to his head in a hopeless attempt to drive away the dangerous revelations that were beginning to take shape in his subconscious. Only after he’d spoken did he realize how flippant and risky his statement was.

“I know it’s your vow too, Ser Jaime,” she said, completely misinterpreting his intent, “but--”

“It’s not just our vow to Catelyn Stark I speak of,” he explained, throwing all caution to the wind and advancing towards her, “I think you know that very well, my lady.” The blush on her face deepened and she looked away, choosing to face her new armour instead of confronting his eyes.

“I also know why you can’t come with me,” she whispered, talking to the suit of metal. “You’re bound by your oaths, ones that have your hands tied and feet bound to this city.”

“The white cloak,” he sighed heavily. “If only I could--”

“You’ve broken one vow, the aftereffects of which you're still reaping,” she hurriedly chided him, “you can’t forego another--” she blinked vigorously again, turning to face him at last “--not on my account.”

“It isn’t just my vow,” he said, unveiling his worst fears, “I fear for your life, my lady.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, bewildered.

“My sister’s feelings for you are far from friendly,” he told her, hoping he could get her out safely before Cersei decided she was a threat. “And if she ever came to know that I--” _ love you, _he meant to say, but somehow the words never found their way to his lips.

Her features shifted at Cersei’s mention, her eyes bearing a cloud of doubt. “The potential dangers to my life apart, your sister--”

“--is just my sister,” he said firmly, in an attempt to oust all doubts from her mind, “no less, and--” he took another step towards her, the distance separating them, now barely a foot “--no more,” he added, hoping he’d made the point.

Something about her changed when he’d broken into her personal space, a guard she’d let down maybe, or a door she’d opened to let him through, her eyes telling him that she was reluctant to take his leave as much as he was to let her go. “You don’t understand,” she cried out, agitation writ large upon her face, “this can’t happen, this--” she fell silent, unable to say anything more.

“Say it, my lady,” he urged, searching her eyes for answers, “or do you too, like the others, resent the idea of an affiliation with the Kingslayer--”

“You’re not the Kingslayer!” she exclaimed, her eyes spewing sparks, “and you know very well that I don’t think of you like that anymore. Far from it, I actually--” she came to say something, but stuttered, failing miserably in her attempt to put her feelings to words.

“--care about me?” he prompted, brash in his choice of words.

Eyes to the floor, she turned on her heel immediately, and with a hasty, “Good day, Ser Jaime,” she dashed away to the door, ready to get the hell out of there and never see him again.

“For what it’s worth, Brienne,” he called out before she could leave, deciding it was time to let go of his inhibitions and pour his damn heart out to her, “I feel the same about you.”

Seconds passed, five, maybe ten, or even more, and all that filled the room was a tense silence. She stood her ground, frozen to the spot, her palm still on the doorknob. Quickly approaching her, he touched her lightly on the arm. She went stiff for a second under his touch, before finally relaxing and slowly turning around. And when she did, her face was the brightest shade of red he’d ever seen.

“You jest,” she whispered, not quite looking him in the eye.

“I mean it,” he said, miffed that she’d dismissed his heartfelt confession as a joke. “All these days it’s been you I’ve been thinking about, my lady,” he continued, not wanting to hold anything back any more. “I’ve tried to forget you, to get you out of my head,” he admitted, remembering the countless nights he’d dreamed of her, waking up to push her off his mind, only to go back to sleep, his head full of her again, “but I’ve ended up failing miserably.” He paused to gain his composure and study her reaction, but she still said nothing, her silence filling him with a strange apprehension that he had probably misread her emotions. Overpowered by an urgent need to know what was in her heart, he couldn't help asking, “If I’m not entirely wrong, you too--”

“I do,” she admitted before he could finish, her eyes rising to meet his, shining with unshed tears as she unmasked her deepest emotions, “but it can never happen, Ser Jaime, not as long as we’re both bound by our vows. We're meant to head in opposite directions. While the gods have not been kind to us, away from one another is where our fates lie, and we have no choice but to accept it and move on.”

“I know that too,” he murmured with a regretful sigh, “which is why I don’t want to let you go without a proper goodbye.” 

Before she could ask what he meant, or turn tail and flee again, he closed the remaining gap between them and captured her lips, his hand flying to her face. Surprise, he could see in her eyes, and a bit of a shock, but she didn’t push him away, nor did she recoil. It had been a while since he’d kissed anyone, and she felt like heaven, she felt like _ his _. With neither of them having the heart to pull away, he planted kiss after tender kiss on her mouth, unable to break the moment, unable to move on, unable to return from the land of his dreams. Unexpectedly soft, her lips were pliant under his, and she went where he took her, her want for him just as much as his. He wanted to never stop, to deepen every kiss, to do much more than merely lock lips with her. How he wished to make her his and become hers! But now was not the time and this wasn't the place. 

His, she might not be, not in this world, not where they were both stuck, but this lovely moment was theirs, and nothing, and no one could seize it from them or wipe out the everlasting memory this would soon become.

“Goodbye, Lady Brienne,” he softly whispered into her lips before letting go of her, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. “I wanted to give you something good about me to remember, something to erase the taunts and insults I had, in the past, so ruthlessly subjected you to.”

She smiled for the first time in days, the glow and radiance on her face a sight to behold. “Trust me,” she reassured him, her palm enclosing his hand, “I have nothing but good memories of you to carry with me.”

This time he had to smile at the fondness and sincerity with which she’d uttered these words. “You’re the first person to say that about me. All I’ve heard in the past sixteen years is Kingslayer, oathbreaker--”

“_ Ser _ Jaime,” she interrupted him again, emphasising on his title, “Oathkeeper, is what I’m going to call your sword,” she declared, fixing him with an impassioned look. “I hope it’s a fitting enough name for a blade that will, forever, remind me of its owner.”

He nodded, speechless and overwhelmed by her gesture. 

“Am I ever going to see you again?” she asked, the longing in her voice filling him with an uncontrollable urge to kiss her again.

“If I’m lucky,” he said, before frantically insisting, “Write to me, Brienne.” A last minute pang of desperation taking over, he wanted to stretch the conversion in an attempt to spend as much time as he could with her, for every minute, every second he could gather was precious. “Tell me when you’ve found her. Tell me all about your life, Brienne. And if you do happen to marry one day--”

“That’s _never_ going to happen,” she declined, her face shadowed with disappointment and anguish, “because the only man my heart desires can _never_ make me his--”

“Never say never, Brienne,” he stopped her, bringing her fingers to his lips, “for you never know when things might change.”

Holding hands, they gazed into each other’s eyes, neither willing to let go, neither wanting to leave the confines of these four walls. Promises, he couldn’t make, for they would be ones he’d be unable to keep; not today at least, but give her his heart, he could, and forever it would be hers.

When it was time, at last, to let go, she stepped out, but not before turning to him again, the shine in her eyes and the smile on her lips flooding him with a wave of optimism that all wasn't lost yet. He followed her outside to where her new companion awaited her, his heart soaring with a rare ray of hope, a hope that, perhaps, the gods might, one day, listen to the cries of his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> While this is open ended, I've kept it positive and optimistic, because they're gonna write to each other and keep in touch. So maybe, one day, things might change :)  
Do let me know if you liked it and thank you for reading!


End file.
